Welcome Saige Wynter Lucille Goldsmith
Thursday 19th January 2017... 20 days over due and feeling every ounce of pressure. I felt like I had been walking on a knife edge for weeks now. I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. I'd have good days and bad days. I felt like I was just a vessel to carry this baby - I felt like very few people saw ME as part of this equation. It was tiring.

Thursday is Phoenix's day off day care. We had fun playing around though getting on the floor and moving was becoming more and more difficult. I'd suggested to Phoenix we go and have a lie down. I was in bed relaxing. No signs of labour but my Braxton Hicks had been non stop for days now. Literally back to back but no pain so I wasn't worried. As I lay there trying to get Phoenix to rest I have a contraction - A decent one. Hello? Should I get excited? I'd had a few false starts over the weeks so I ignored it and tried to lie down and rest - hoping they'd pick up in frequency. 5 minutes later another one. Ouch. These felt different... Another one 5 minutes later. I couldn't lie down. These ones demanded I get up and move. Should I call my midwife? Nah- I'll give it an hour.... 5 minutes later another one... I started to have diarrhea too - This was looking promising! Actually - I'd better call my midwife. First contraction started at 4pm and I called my midwife around 4.20pm.

'Hi Kathy, I think I might need to change our appt tonight - I think I'm in labour'

Kathy was here within 15 minutes. She'd called an ambulance on the way (Always in our plan as we didn't want a breech baby delivered roadside if we could avoid it) and checked me out as soon as she arrived. It'd only been 30 mins since my first contraction - I was already 5cm. Holy cow!

I called mum and organised Tane to drop Phoenix off at Mum and dad's place. This was finally happening!

I climbed into the ambulance and assumed an all fours position with my arms wrapped around the head of the bed and I used two buckles to brace myself with through each rolling surge. They were certainly picking up in intensity.

Tane was following behind the ambulance. I had just finished joking with the ambo guy Phil that 'I hear labouring women are your worse nightmare and I know you guys hate it when our waters go so I'll do my best to hold on til we get to the hospital' only to have a huge contraction 5 minutes later followed by a pop and a massive gush as my waters went everywhere! Oooops! Sorry Phil.

I called Tane, Change of plans. Meet mum at the mobil oteha and get to hospital ASAP - He asked me if I could see them behind the ambulance I couldn't stop laughing. I was way too focused on riding the waves of labour.

When we got to Albany there was traffic so the ambulance went lights and sirens and got on to the bus lanes to get me to the hospital. Kathy was keeping an eye on bubs heartbeat which was perfect. There was Meconium in my waters but that's to be expected with a breech bub. my contractions were getting closer, longer and harder but still manageable. I kept my breathing deep and low. Lots of moaning. I just really hoped Tane would make it in time for the birth.

We arrived at hospital and transferred me up to the birth unit. Kathy had everyone on stand by. My room was flooded with people quite quickly after I arrived. I went to the bathroom, had a check to find I was now 7cm dilated but babies bum was still quite high. I then assumed my all four position on the bed and proceeded to try and break the bed head (I see a similarity here to how I labored with Phoenix hahaha). Because bub was breech each contraction would squeeze the meconium out of bub and onto the bed liner they had put down for me. It was weird and I never anticipated so much meconium from one baby. On the up-shot though - One less Meconium nappy to change right?

Tane arrived a short while later; as did my mum and Phoenix. They'd decided it really was better for mum to meet Tane at the hospital. I said hello to mum and Phoenix. Told Phoenix how much I loved him and how soon he would be a big brother then he left with mum. It was almost a little sad to know it was the last time Phoenix would be with us as a family of three but I was so excited for him to be a big brother - I know he's going to be awesome.

I was set up on the ctg for continuous monitoring. My contractions were definitely getting stronger and closer. Baby seemed to be doing fine and recovering well after each contraction so I was happy.
The OB consult on call was Jye - She came in and still recommended a c-section. We went through the worse case if I went ahead with a VBB which was head entrapment with the need to split my pelvis to get baby out - This would be a long long recovery and baby might end up brain damaged or dead. It was hard to have a rational conversation with me as I was managing my waves of labour and it took all my focus to keep my breathing on track. Tane was awesome at reminding me to just breathe. Deep and slow - Breathe Sarah - Breathe.

An IV was attempted and I nearly killed the lady inserting it. The line went in my wrist and I instantly felt like acid had been poured into my vein. I started screaming for her to get it out, get it out now! She fucked around for what felt like eternity (It was probably only a minute or so) then I went to take it out myself and she final removed it. That was horrendous. Her second attempt on the back of my hand went in no trouble, no pain, no discomfort. My wrist (A week later) still bears the bruise of her handy work and still gives me pain when touched. Lets say she wasn't my favorite person this night.

More pressure for a c-section and I just couldn't think with all that my body was doing. I knew I was in a room full of people who didn't believe in me or my body or my baby. I knew I was fighting a losing battle and I was very aware any perceived 'distress' would be straight to theater. I also knew it would be harder to have anything I wanted in a c-section the closer we got to full dilation. I didn't want to labor for hours only to end up with a c-section. I told Tane to make the decision and either way he had to be happy with the consequences and he had to support me with whatever recovery there was... So c-section it was.

A cervix check before heading off to theater had me back at 5cm dilated - Maybe this was the right decision....? It was still a very bitter pill to swallow.

I was prep'd and in theater within 10 minutes of the decision being made. I was given a spinal instead of an epidural due to a back injury. The local was a tiny pinch and the actual spinal itself I barely felt - ironically this was one f my key worries about having a c-section. I felt sorry for the lady administering it as I was still contracting hard and fast and I couldn't stand anyone touching me while having a contraction so she literally had minutes to find the spot and administer the drugs. Straight away my feet felt heavy and weird so I lay down. I asked for some anti nausea knowing anesthetics make me feel sick. I had three more contractions before they disappeared due to the spinal. A catheter was put in which was uncomfortable. Next they set up the drape and all the ECG leads, BP cuff and what not. During this time they had started pinching my belly to see if I had feeling. I was fine on my left and middle section but I could feel the pinching on my right hand side. Like a pin being pushed into my skin. The anesthetist didn't look too happy and said my only other option was a general (They couldn't give me another spinal) - She said 'lets go with it and see how you feel' -And feel I did. Tane tried to distract me with music. It was a good distraction too but nothing would prepare me for the pain to come.

The cutting open wasn't too bad. Like a sharp knife blade being gently pressed into my belly and the whole delivery part was very quick - maybe 10 minutes. Lots of pushing and pulling. Jye asked me to 'Push baby out Sarah- Come on. Big push down into your belly' which I didn't expect and in a way helped me feel like I had 'Delivered' my baby. Once bub was out we were blessed with 3 minutes delayed cord clamping then our baby was presented to us face first, dripping wet. My gosh what a spitting image of Phoenix. Next, and some what unexpectedly, we got a bum view with Jye asking 'And what sex is baby?' and I was shocked and overwhelmed to see a girls bits staring me in the face. We had a daughter! I cried. Royal by Lorde was playing at the time our daughter was brought Earthside - I wonder if it's a sign of things to come hahaha. Four days later we would notice a small graze on Saige's bottom. Looks like the scalpel nicked her during the delivery. I wonder if it will eave a life long scar? A story to tell that's for sure.

There was a change to the atmosphere of the OR shortly after Saige was born. I couldn't put my finger on it and they handled the situation well but something was amiss. I would later find out my uterus has torn and I was hemorrhaging. I lost 1.2L of blood - boarder-line needing a transfusion or so I'm told.

The 'Put me back together' was HORRENDOUS. I kept vomiting and kept being given anti-nausea meds but they just didn't seem to be cutting it for me. I couldn't stop shaking (Common I know) and the pain was excruciating on my right side. I almost passed out twice and had to ask them to stop on one occasion just so I could breathe and compose myself. The repair work took longer than expected and I was in so much agony I struggled to do skin to skin or breast feed Saige while in the OR. Thankfully Tane was able to do the skin to skin right there in the theater until such time as I could. I tell you I have never felt relief like it when they said they were all finished. In hind sight maybe the general would have been a better option.

Once I was in the recovery room I was able to breast feed and skin to skin cuddle with Saige. She was weighed. She was chubby - I knew that just by looking at her! She checked in earth side at 7.24pm on Thursday 19th January- Weighing an impressive 10lb 5oz. She is 54cm long and her head was 37.5cm round. She is perfection.

I spent the night unable to move my legs due to the spinal. My right side 'un-numbed' much faster than my left side which was such a weird sensation. Saige and I spent the entire first night skin to skin and I didn't sleep a wink despite being exhuasted. I spent the night vomiting - We suspect from the morphine. The next morning I was up and moving as soon as I could. I wanted the pain pump out and the catheter too. By 3pm in the afternoon we were cleared to head up to Warkworth birthing unit where I stayed for 4 night.

Recovery has been 'Easier' than I expected. Pain management is key. I came off the morphine within 24 hours and have been managing well with panadol and Ibrufen. I still struggle to get out of bed and my incision is tight and achy and still numb. My torso feels really bruised which in all fairness it probably is - I feel like I've done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson focusing on my stomach. Gas has been a major problem. Coughing and sneezing suck so does underwear in general as the bands just sit at the wrong height for my incision. I can't bend down yet but hope to some time soon.
Breast Feeding has had different challenges with the incision making it hard to put much weight on my belly but Saige and I are managing well.

I'm finding the limitations with regards to driving, lifting and generally getting around very frustrating. It's been such a different recovery to the one I had with Phoenix.

The up shot of a c-section? My bleeding has been minimal - 5 days pp and it's almost gone. Hey there's got to be at least one positive right?

Now Saiges name - What does it mean?
Saige - Is a wise person or a herb with healing properties
Wynter - comes from a character in a trilogy I read who was brave, bold, strong, admirable and capable. Everything I could hope my daughter would aspire to be.The trilogy is the Moorehawk series.
Lucille - Is my middle name handed down from my mother and named after a family friend called Lucy who passed away just before I was born. She would often visit me in spirit form when I was a child. She was apparently an amazing woman.

How'd our family react?

Yvonne was delighted to have her first grand-daughter after 5 grand sons. I'm sure this girl will be spoilt for choice in the knitting department!

My Parents we thrilled at add another grand baby to the clan.

Bill was delighted about his grand daughters arrival too.

Phoenix was amazing. oh my heart. When he first saw Saige he just wanted to cuddle and kiss her to within an inch of her life. He proudly shows her off to anyone and everyone saying 'This is my sister Saige, come say hello'. My heart just about explodes with the beauty of it. He's such and incredible big brother - Saige is a lucky girl.

So, despite this birth turning to shit and me having to mange the sudden change so late in my pregnancy- I am beyond happy Saige is here safe and well. Would I ever have a C-Section again - In all honest not if I had a choice. If I NEEDED one I'd be asking for a general because I couldn't face going through that again. I cant see us having any more children so I doubt this will be a problem in the future. We happy with our 'Matching set' - our 'Salt and Pepper' - our Saige and Phoenix.

- My incision has a numbness around it - a band about 5-6cm wide and running the length of my incision. From the sounds of it this is likely to be permanent. Another added bonus of a c-section right?

The lead up to Saiges Birth - A breech baby battle
What a crazy adventure we have had with this wise wee soul. Where to start?

As most of you will know this pregnancy came after a loss at 9 weeks due to a missed miscarriage so our precious wee babe is what we call a 'Rainbow' baby - The beauty that shines through after a horrible storm. Here is the adventure of the arrival of Saige - Just a heads up it will be graphic and possibly triggery for some. On with our adventure....

22nd April 2016 confirmed we were expecting. We were both delighted and more so when we realised our baby was due around New Years. Our first scan went well with a great heart beat but there were concerns over the unusually large yolk sac which can be an indication of genetic abnormalities such as trisomy and statistically scans with large yolk sacs miscarry in approximate 70% of all cases. Not the news I was hoping for. It was a very tense wait for the next scan - and of course for our anatomy scan, to try and put our minds at ease.

Our 8 week scan was perfect and our 12 week scan showed a lil bean wriggling away - Happy as could be. Our anatomy scan came back great with only a 1 in 8,800 chance of any trisomy disorders so that was a relief. We didn't have any additional scans organised and waited out the rest of our pregnancy. Our due date according to our 6 week scan was 31st December 2016 - What an awesome due date!

We choose not to find out the gender of our baby - We loved the awesome surprise we had with Phoenix. Tane and I felt like we were having a girl but we certainly weren't convinced of babies gender the way we had been with Phoenix. As we neared the end of our pregnancy the world and it's mysterious ways certainly indicated a girl but I was still only 60% convinced haha

The pregnancy was a hard one. I had morning sickness right the way through as I had with Phoenix. Suspected HG until about 26 weeks - I managed this with both Metaclopromide and Odansetron though it didn't stop the vomiting or nausea, just reduced it from hourly to maybe 3 times a day. After 26 weeks the vomiting subsided - Maybe once a day until about 32 weeks then dropped off to occasionally until I gave birth but the nausea still plagued me most days. On top of the morning sickness I had awful pelvic pain from 8 weeks on-wards. It worsened as I got bigger.

At the start of our pregnancy we were house hunting every weekend with a toddler in tow. When I was about 18 weeks; And after losing 8 auctions and 2 PBN and searching for over 11 months; we finally purchased our house in Warkworth. By this stage we'd moved out to flat with Ange and had put 90% of our belongings in storage. We finally moved into our home in August. I was about 5 months pregnant when we moved and it was exhausting for me but we got there in the end.

I'd planned to birth at home, had organised everything (pool, califont, towels and blankets along with everything else I needed) and set it all up at 37 weeks.

My 38 week appt brought an absolute shock - Baby has turned breech and I wouldn't be able to birth at home unless we could get bub turned back. I would need to birth at North Shore Hospital and a C-Section was the 'Standard' recommendation for a breech baby. I was heart broken and cried for days.

The day after bub was found to be Breech I went to Whangarei hospital to have an ECV done in the hope baby could be turned. There were a number of risks associated with an ECV including the possibility of needing an emergency c-section if the placenta came away. Tane was working so Hazel came along for the journey. There was no way I was ready to meet my baby just yet so I hoped nothing would happen to need an emergency c-section and I was begging for the ECV to be successful.

The ECV involved injecting my thigh with a medicine to relax my uterus. The Ob then checked babies position and using their hands (and an unbelievable amount of force) the OB and her assistant tried to manually turn baby through my belly. To say it was painful is an understatement. To have two women's hand's cm's deep in my belly and pelvis trying to lift and spin baby was excruciating. To top it all off baby didn't budge - Not one inch. After 15 or so minutes they gave up.

When the hospital midwife asked what I planned to do now I said 'Birth baby breech' and here started my battle of wills between those medically minded and myself - aiming for as natural as possible. This was my first taste of the battles to come and how very important it was for me to be informed and to know my rights. The hospital midwife said to me 'Oh well you'll have to be continuously monitored then when you're in labour' Meaning the CTG machines would need to be attached from the outset. Now I found these very restricting and psychologically limiting and I knew in labour I would want to move about freely. When I mentioned to the hospital midwife that 'No - I wouldn't be continuously monitored but that a doppler could be used as and when needed' she seemed quite taken aback, I'm not sure most of the people I encountered on my journey were ready to meet someone who wasn't going to follow the rest of the sheep who have c-sections for breech babies 'Just because they're breech'. I went home disappointed and concerned about the 'Battle' I saw before me.

This whole time I had been asking baby to stay put until at least it's EDD - Now I was wishing bub had decided to come at 37 weeks so I could still have had my homebirth. It was such a crushing time. I knew this would be our last baby and I had so wanted to birth at home - On my terms, in my environment and my way and now all I could see was all of those hopes being flushed down the drain just because my baby was breech and worse yet a c-section which has to be the polar opposite of my homebirth - How had this happened?

I came home and started researching - vowing I would arm myself with as much information, knowledge, statistics, advice and real world outcomes as I possibly could. I also set about finding every possible avenue to try and turn a breech baby. So began hours and hours and hours of trying everything possible to turn bub - Inversions, accupunture, osteopaths, chiro's, moxibustions, hypnotherapy, hot and cold, music and light - you name it and I'm pretty bloody sure I tried it. It cost me hundreds of dollars and literally took up all my spare time. It was exhausting - Not the way I planned to spend my last weeks of pregnancy.

I had a number of growth scans along the way tracking babies position and size. We were well placed position wise with baby being frank breech (feet up by it's face) and bum presenting well in my pelvis however the growth scans indicated bub was a big baby (9lbs 7oz at 39 weeks then 10lb 7oz at 41 weeks) and big babies are not high on the 'recommendation list' for a vaginal breech birth (Known as a VBB).

A little bit of history on Breech Births. Breech was considered a 'Variation of normal' for hundreds of years until a trial study called the 'Term Breech Trial' was conducted - This study aimed to figure out the outcome of breech births. The information is considered by medical professionals as the 'Go to' in breech cases and was quoted more times than I care to consider during the course of my care BUT this study has since been considered bias and unreliable due to the way the study was conducted - with no consistent approach and information being presented in a bias way - for example when discussing mortality (Death) in breech births the term breech trial (TBT) study gives figures that include ALL deaths in breech presentations - It doesn't itemise out those deaths that were almost a given due to genetic disorders or very premature births. Breech presentation at full term has a higher rate of genetic abnormalities - some suggest this might be due to the baby not having the ability (Muscle tone or otherwise) to get into the optimal birthing position. Breech births are also more common with preterm babies (As most babies like to get into optimal position as spaces becomes limited and birthing day draws near) and premmies have a higher likelihood of adverse outcomes vs a full term bub.

Anyways -Before this study breech births were generally delivered vaginally. No reason not to when it's just a variation of normal right? Well the statistics from the TBT showed a higher risk to baby in both mortality and morbidity and so it became common practice to send those with breech babies straight to theater for a c-section - After all it was the 'safer' options right? Well yes and no. C-Sections are major surgery and with that comes major risks but these risks lie with the mother generally. Common risks included infection, hemorrhaging, uterus adhesion to other internal organs (Potentially requiring additional surgery later on to correct this), a stay in HDU for complications, reduce rates of successful breast feeding, complications from the anesthetic administered... I could go on and on and on. I'm not saying there aren't risks with Breech - There are. These risks lie with baby and include such horror scenarios as head entrapment (Where the head gets stuck in the pelvis) which can lead to death of baby or serious brain damage but the risks in a VBB are few but serious as opposed to a c-section where the risks are more but generally with a lesser severity.

So why does this matter? Well over the course of decades those skilled in VBB such as midwifes and OB's has dwindled. VBB is something every midwife and OB has to review in a teaching/ classroom scenario but those who have actually witness and been hands on with VBB's are few and far between. This means there is little support for mums wanting to VBB and a serious lack of skilled VBB care providers. There is a change in the tides as more momentum comes about to normalise breech presentations again and to up-skill the care providers so VBBs can be an option. Even as I went through all I did with this pregnancy the 'Hospital policy on Breech Birth' was updated (Ironically in January 2017) to better support VBB's as opposed to becoming an automatic recommendation for a c-section. Still it angered me that I would be battling to birth vaginally simply because the antenatal sector had forgotten how to birth VBB's. Why should I be subjected to major surgery just because of a study that really isn't all that credible? And because skills have been lost over generations because of this flawed study?

At almost 40 weeks I met with the hospital OB consult (The big cheese so to speak). I went in with my battle suit on, Hazel by my side for support and weapons ready to be drawn. I was expecting a war. Instead I was met with a very matter of fact lady called Jye. She was my kind of talker. Statistics, evidence based information, Options but above all else she was ready to HEAR me. We spent 1.5 hours going over everything - All the scenarios and options and possible outcomes. She needed to know I was making an informed decision to cover her arse and I respected that. I felt Jye understood my position and as much as she said she needed to recommend a c-section because that is; in her mind; the safest option - she could accept that I wanted to attempt a VBB and she would facilitate that wish though there was some negotiations to be made on my birth plan to cover the hospitals arse once again. It's ok, I can compromise and did so willingly on some factors; not so much on others - but come the end of our meeting we were both happy with where things were sitting. VBB with a c-section as back up if there were any indications of baby distress or I was in trouble. However there was to be no induction methods to be used - Not even a stretch and sweep (Which was fine by me) as any inductions of a breech messes with the natural process both baby and body needed to go through to get bub here safely. Breech birth is a hands off affair. No one touches baby until it's been delivered to the nape of it's neck so this made sense and I mentioned in passing that if I got to 42 weeks we'd look at a c-section (Never thinking I'd actually get there!)

More bloods, more attempts to turn baby, more money and time spent in vain. Finally around 41 weeks I stopped trying everything and accepted my baby was breech and that was the way it would be.Baby might turn during labour but I didn't feel confident so I made my peace with a breech baby and a breech birth. I mapped out both VBB and C-Sections plans and discussed at length with everyone I encountered on my journey about my preferences and why. I was mostly supported.

Meanwhile my Midwife and I searched for a VBB experience midwife to take the lead carer role come delivery time but we couldn't find anyone. Kudos to my Midwife - She was out of her depth but still supporting me in my decisions. It must have been pretty scary for her.

Next meeting was around 41 weeks with another OB at the hospital for post dates and to discuss c-section details. I was by myself but more relaxed this time given how positive my initial meeting with Jye had been. Unfortunately this one didn't go so well AT ALL. The meeting started with her sitting down next to me, putting her arm around me and saying 'I'm going to be blunt here. I think you need to have a c-section. I estimate you baby has a 1 in 5 chance of serious brain damage if you deliver vaginally' - This approach, especially coupled with being in my personal space while delivering it, left me so disarmed I didn't actually know what to say or do. I instantly donned my battle suit and drew my weapons. Who was this woman to speak to me like this and where the hell are her figures coming from. There is nothing in all the research I've done to support this ridiculous statistic... All I saw was a woman trying to terrify me into doing what she wanted. After all I was overdue now with a suspected (I say suspected as growth scans are notoriously unreliable) big baby so I was a 'Ticking time bomb' on the hospital books. When I said I wouldn't be having a C-Section and I chose to attempt a VBB she moved from the bed side to her desk and her mannerism changed from all caring to stoney. 'Well there are things we'll want you to do like have an IV inserted and an epidural inserted 'Just in case' on arrival'....
No way, Back up. Why the hell would I choose to have an epidural inserted 'Just in case'? Are you serious? Take on a host of potential risks and complications 'Just in case'. Now I was angry.
I told the OB consult that I wouldn't be having either of those on arrival and if I changed my mind we would discuss that on the day. I also advised that if she didn't stop scaremongering me like this then I would leave and birth at home by myself - Which I wouldn't actually do but there was no way I was going to be spoken to like this. Funnily enough the meeting wrapped up quite quickly - Maybe 10-15 in total - and I left with a bitter taste in my mouth. My midwife later advised that the 1 in 5 chance of brain damage had been a statistic that she had made up based on her 'extensive experience in third world countries'... Bloody hell!

More time came and went. At 41 weeks (Just after the above horrendous meeting) I went for another ultrasound. Baby was measuring 10lb 7oz. Still breech. Fluids and dopplers and placenta were all perfect. By this stage I'd adopted the 'I'll have baby either when I go into labour naturally or when there is an indication that baby NEEDS to come out such as distress, low fluids, placenta degradation or me being unwell- in which case I'll have ac-section'. I was being monitored daily with ctg's and having ultrasounds twice a week. I personally was fine and believed baby and I would be fine. I had absolute faith in my body and my baby.

Not long after this Tane's mum had an accident and broke her femur. She ended up in hospital needing surgery to put her leg in place. Around 42 weeks we popped in to see her at NSH and Kathy my midwife had organised a meeting with me and the consult anesthesiologist to discuss my concerns about the c-section. His name was Ted Hughes and he was awesome. Great to talk to, informative, discussed all my concerns at length and went over everything I could expect. He spent about 1.5 hours with Tane and I and I was really grateful for his time. Of course he still recommended a c-section and sooner rather than later. Everyone was getting nervous now.

It was becoming apparent I was the talk of the hospital with comments such as 'My colleague and I were talking about your case in theater today' or 'Everyone is aware of your case and you're making them nervous' and a letter from the horrible meeting saying the case had been referred to the hospitals lawyer! Initially I was annoyed I was being so well discussed- didn't that go against patient confidentiality? but then my midwife mentioned it was a great thing that I was getting people talking about VBB, about challenging the normal and making them all think outside of their own little bubble and that made sense to me. I saw it as a positive.

The hardest day came for me when Tane said he thought I should have a c-section. I felt no one had my back any more, No one believed in me. Not a single person but me. This was a concern. I now knew I was going to walk into a birthing suite with not a single supporter. I was walking into dangerous territory - This; to me; was more dangerous than a breech baby, more dangerous that a big breech baby. This was a room full of skeptics tending to me at my most vulnerable time. Now I was starting to get nervous.

And then Thursday 19th January arrived...

Our Rainbow baby is baking!
I'm excited, overwhelmed, nervous, apprehensive, overjoyed and in love! We're pregnant with baby #3, Our sweet rainbow after losing our angel in October 2015. First try (I know, we are so blessed) and I just know our angel hand picked this little one (Or ones) for us,s he's been waiting for the right time and it is now. Those two beautiful lines, faint at first at 10dpo and blazing blazing red at 11dpo made my heart sign and ache at the same time.

I'm feeling well, Nausea is minimal, vomitting has only happened twice, Sore boobs, frequent pee'ing, feeling full - All of it I love. These symptoms remind me I have precious cargo on board and the more symptoms I have the more I feel comfortable in the knowledge this pregnancy is progressing well.

I have serial beta hcg this week to confirm the numbers are raising properly. Next week I'll aim to meet with my midwife and the following week I'll have my first scan, Ironically this will be on Friday 13th - The very day our rainbow was due. I hope for a bittersweet day. A day I cry for the loss I don't get to be welcoming yet cry for joy at the sweet little human I am carrying and will get to 'see' for the first time. Such a mixed emotions day. On the positive it makes me look forward to the 13th - A day I have been dreading for months now.

Our families are really excited for us. I'm sure this is our take home rainbow and I love him/her more than I thought possible already.

Sweet baby, Welcome aboard x

What I want you to know about my miscarriage...
It’s taken me months to write this, and I can’t tell you why I think now is the time to finally put this down but there is a lot I wish you had known about me and my baby, so much I’m sure you still don’t realise about my little one and our miscarriage...

I want you to know my baby was due 13th May 2016, yes, Friday 13th... an ominous date for some but I was so thrilled to be pregnant and due on this very date. I want you to know I had a strong feeling I was carrying a girl... the girl id always dreamed of. A yin to Phoenix’s yang. I want you to know our baby would have been here for my 33rd birthday- just. Maybe even for Tane’s birthday. What better present could we wish for? I want you to know we would have loved our baby unconditionally and Phoenix would have made us so proud being a big brother to our new addition. I want you to know I loved our baby the moment those two faint lines popped up and each and every day I watched them get darker my love grew. I want you to know I had hopes, dreams, a life planned out. I want you to know I was sick, as expected, and that comforted me. I want you to know it’s been 5 months and 25 days since my worst fears were confirmed - there is no heartbeat, your baby has died.

I want you to know I was failed by all of my health care providers. I want you to know that this support was vital and its absence made an already life shattering experience all the more horrific. I want you to know the morning I went into hospital to have a d&e I lost it. I cried a river, I cried ugly, I cried so hard I thought I would fall to pieces - that id cry so much there would be nothing left of me. I want you to know the procedure was physically easy, I went in carrying my dead baby and I came out carrying a shattered heart. I want you to know I wish I’d kept my baby; that I have nightmares about her being thrown away, discarded and it was my choice. I want you to know I continued to be sick for weeks after my baby was removed from me. I want you to know I still carry the baby weight I gained while carrying my angel.

I want you to know my miscarriage took 3 months and 12 days - one incomplete d&e, one failed medically induced miscarriage and finally a successful hysteroscopy with d&c (just days before Christmas). I want you to know during my miscarriage I lost more than my baby - my family, my friends, myself. Relationships were damaged, changed forever. I want you to know almost all of those relationships were with those closest to me, the ones I needed the most. I want you to know that after these changes I thought about suicide - often. I want you to know the only reason I am here is because of Phoenix. I want you to know I haven’t had a proper night sleep since the first scan we had (one of three, leading to the eventual confirmation of our babies passing). I want you to know I STILL have nightmares to this very day about birthing dead babies, about miscarrying and being surrounded by pools of blood, about babies being entombed in me, about bleeding out and dying. I want you to know I don’t like the new me, I don’t like this new normal. I want you to know this is so so so unfair.

I want you to know the first time my menstrual cycle showed up I was relived my miscarriage was FINALLY Over only to be heartbroken that I shouldn’t even be having this right now. I want you to know that each month my period shows up I cry for days - another reminder of what I shouldn’t be doing. I want you to know I would be 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant today. I want you to know I HATE Fridays. I want you to know I’ll never be so innocent again. I want you to know I worry everyone I love will be taken from me so easily. I want you to know how hard it is to see pregnant women and how much I loathe pregnant women complaining about their pregnancy. I want you to know it’s not okay to tell me 'you’ll have another' or 'better to lose the baby early' or 'it’s okay it wasn’t really a baby'. I want you to know as my babies due date draws close I struggle, really struggle to breathe. I want you to know I will NEVER, EVER forget my baby.

I want you to know between 20 - 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. I want you to know I am far from alone. I want you to know that it is okay to talk about baby loss - no matter the gestation or age. I want you to know I don’t want my baby forgotten. I want you to know I want her talked about, my pregnancy remembered. I want you to know that baby loss is far too common and we need to stop making this such a taboo subject. I want you to know I have lost, I am grieving and my baby died. I want you to know that grief is a crazy beast who has its own path and journey. I want you to know I don’t want to walk this path alone - I have to find the way myself but that doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to pick me up when I stumble or support me when the going gets tough. I want you to know your timelines and expectations don’t apply to my world. I want you to know that unless you have travelled this path you can’t possibly know what I am going through - and for that I am thankful.

I just wanted you to know.

Baby number 2 due May 2016
Exciting news! Baby number two is baking in the oven!

We tried to conceive last month but that didnt happen and this month was a not try, not preventing situation and would you believe we are blessed to be pregnant :-)

I had a feeling I was pregnant. Super sore nipples, heavy, full and tender breasts, nausea and full feeling lower abdomen so I'd been testing from quite early on but my first 'squint and you can see it' line appeared on the saturday 29th. By the 30th it was dark enough to tell Tane and now it is screaming red (wohoo)

Its a bit of a stressful time with Tane being out of work but well manage.

My parents were happy but not as excited as I expected. Yvonne and Bill are thrilled. Katie was very kind on the phone but I am sure her heart is breaking given how long they've been trying.
Matt was stoked as is Herby.

Tane didnt believe me to begin with but now he seems happy.

Yay, Phoenix is going be a big brother hehehe

For all the Mumma's and Mumma's to be - Never a truer word said :-)
For all Mothers
(including soon to be Mothers)

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.

That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mum!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

Please share this with a Mum that you know or all of your girlfriends who may someday be Mums. May you always have in your arms the one who is in your heart.

By Dale Hanson Bourke
'Chicken soup for the woman's soul'! — with Jenn Lisi, Christina Cee, Luisa Boselli and 42 others.

Unimom double pump vs Medella swing single pump
Hi Ladies, I was mentioning unimom breast pump a couple of weeks ago (Can't find the post now) with regards to a double breast pump. I've been using the medela swing but was frustrated with the time it was taking to express. I ordered the unimom double pump from Breastmates (Franny is amazing!) and said I would pop feedback on here so here goes:
Unimom double pump vs Medal Swing:
Unimom Pros -
* Massage cushions when you're expressing. They're heavenly!
* Cost - $235 for a DOUBLE pump, That's is cheaper than the Medela Swing single pump
* Very quiet
* Can convert to a single pump very easily
* Dial control for optimum pump setting though there is only one setting so if one boob needs a little more/ less than the other then you'd have to settle for somewhere in the middle
* MAGIC at expressing, The 120ml I just expressed took 20 minutes max. With the swing I would pump for an hour only get 90mls (Pumped at the same time, same place, same situation as always!)
* Very cool to see the variation in what milk comes from which boob. My super boob really is a super boob lol
Unimom Cons -
* It's is; by comparison to the Medela; very big
* Bigger size = heavier overall though nothing I couldn't work with
* not battery powered so not portable if there is no power
* There is no let down mode which I didn't find a problem but some may.
* Doesn't breakdown as thoroughly as the Medela so can't be cleaned as easily (Though clean isn't difficult) and unfortunately doesn't fit my pumping bra
In summary - For an at home pump this is incredibly effective and now makes me happy to go out for the evening and pump when I get home without the dread of spending an hour on a pump for minimal reward. The Unimom pump was as comfortable as the Medela swing. This is absolutely value for money and I am pleased I purchased it. I'll hold on to my swing in case I need a portable pump but otherwise the unimom will be my pump of choice for fast, effective and comfortable pumping.
Tips for expressing with double pumps - Your hands will be full. I hadn't really thought it through first time. I used my bra to help 'Hold' the pumps in place which worked well
Hope this helps - If you wanted to ask anything please just comment

My Hypnobirthing recommendation for Jodie Guthrie - jodiguthrie@hotmail.com

Thank you so much Jodi for taking my Husband and I through the Hypnobirthing method when we were expecting our first baby. I was the usual nervous mother, concerned about giving birth and all that would follow (And proceed!) and I cant be more thankful that we choose Hypnobirthing as it still serves me well almost 4 months after our sons arrival.

Hypnobirthing for me was a wonderful way to release any fears I was carrying and to embrace our journey - whatever that may be. Hypnobirthing was also a fantastic way to bring my husband in from the sidelines and enable him to be an active and integral part of our sons birth.

I found hypnobirthing invaluable to find deep and rested sleep, particularly in the last few months of pregnancy. I never felt uncomfortable or restless and seldom had a poor nights sleep and I credit this to Hypnobirthing. Hypnobrithing helped me to bond with our baby long before he arrived and to have absolute faith that my body was designed for this amazing birth, that both my baby and I would work together and as a team we could face anything our birthing brought.

Hypnobirthing helped me to visualize the birth we wanted, including a very optimistic time of 4-5 hours of surges then a final 'breathing out baby' stage of no more than 45 minutes.

I was absolutely blown away when the time came for my son, husband and I to engage our hypnobirthing method. I spent the day with very mild surges, Totally unconvinced I was about to give birth despite being 5 days overdue. At 9.30pm, with surges coming every six minutes and lasting 45 second, I was still not convinced as I was far to calm and comfortable to be nearing birth. I headed off to bed using the progressive relation method to drift into a deep, calm and totally rested sleep.

You wouldn't believe it. I woke at 1.30am in what can only be described as full blown surges. They were coming so hard and fast I couldn't even time them. Hubby and I packed up and bundled ourselves off to the hospital. I started pushing on the way to the hospital and ended up delivering our son a mere 20 minutes after arriving at the hospital. Total time since waking till birth was 1 hour 5 minutes.Unbelievable and much quicker than the viualised time I had :-)

Since being blessed with the arrival of our son I still use Hypnobirthing. Whenever I am stressed, anxious or unable to sleep I use the relaxation methods we covered in hypnobirthing. I still use the rainbow relaxation to put me to sleep whenever I am struggling (Especially with all these hormone changes!) and the glove hypnotherapy has come in handy the couple of times I have been in pain and needed to use it.

I can't recommend Hypnobirthing enough and it is something I actively encourage among the many expecting mums I know. When we're ready to have our second Child I take a lot of comfort knowing I will be able to fall back on the Hypnobirthing method again. Thank you so much.

Phoenix - 13 days young
Well We're almost two weeks now and it's been such a delightful time.

Phoenix has made being parents look and feel so easy. He's set his own routine of feeding roughly every 4 hours and sleeping most of the time inbetween. He's a happy and alert wee boy who is fascinated with faces, light and sound.

He's super strong, Pushing himself up off the ground/ my chest from the day he was born. If I put my hands against his feet when he is having tummy time he'll push himself up the mat. He's learnt to turn his head from side to side when he's having tummy time too. He knows our voices and seeks us out when we are around.

Phoenix is a real wriggle bum (Just like when I was pregnant with him!) and he fights his sleep to stay awake and look at everything that is going on around him.

His feeding is perfect though he has figured out how to be fussy on the breast when he has wind which is uber cute! He has started to get a bit windy and has started to spill on occassions after feeding. He is feeding for about 20 -45 minutes first side then 10 - 20 minutes second side. His latch is brilliant though I did have a bit of a problem around day 7 where my nipples were cracked and bleeding. Luckily I had expressed some milk during the day and almost had a full feed for him. He took to the bottle no problem but the teat was too fast flowing and he got chronic wind from it. I then used nipple shields for a day but it felt so unnatural and gave Phoenix such bad wind that I put them away and haven't used them since. PURE LAN 100 by Medela has been a god sent for getting my nipples back into service. I used it after every feed and now they are perfect.

I've been expressing milk in anticipation of Katie and Ben's wedding day. It's been an interesting experience. The milk initially took AGES to express (Think about 1 hour for 25 odd mills and I need about 130mls for a feed!) but now the expressing seems to be much faster and more comfortable. I found expressing particularly useful when my milk came in and my breasts were so engorged I couldn't even put my arms down.

Warkworth birthing centre was AMAZING! We stayed there for three nights. The staff were incredible and the assistance was amazing. Hydrogel breast pads helped with sore boobies and pads soaked in witch-hazel then put in the freezer were awesome for my stitches.

The first few nights were VERY sleep deprived. I would have been lucky to get 8 hours total. Phoenix just feed constantly and slept seldomly but I managed. There was only one time when I asked if the nurses could help me settle him but in the end nothing we did worked so the nurse knidly took Phoenix for me and settled him then brought him back in when he was asleep. I managed to get an hour that night. Tane stayed the last night with us and it was hilarious to hear him complain how tired he was the next morning. That night was a good night, We managed to get about 3-4 hours sleep!

The three/ Five day blues never showed up for me. I kept waiting but nothing. Im not complaining :-)
My bleeding backed off quite quickly too, Maybe down to normal period flow about 4-5 days after birth. My stitches have healed nicely and I have been out and about since we arrived home, Visiting people, shopping, appointments etc. Phoenix is incredbily well adapted at changing from capsule to stroller, then back to capsule and into bed. Hardly stirring when I move him around.

I make sure there is lots of noise going on around the place when he sleeps so he doesn't need silence for his naps. Saturday we had Katies hen's party, It was a full on day and Phoenix took it all in his stride. We even went out to a loud resturant for dinner and he didn't even batter an eyelid! Clever boy.

Everyone is saying the two week mark is when the honeymoon ends. I'm hoping that's not the case but I guess time will tell given he'll be two weeks tomorrow. Squee!

We're getting professional photo's done this week and we're also heading to a cranial osteopath today to get everything checked out.

Oh, And added bonus - I fit back into some of my pre-pregnancy clothes (Yay me!) and I look like I am only a bit heavier than I was before I got pregnant. I can tell my hips have popped out through and I doubt they'll ever go back to normal but otherwise I look pretty good all things considered which makes me happy given Kates wedding is only a few weeks away!

Post another update in the coming weeks :-)

Welcome Phoenix Murray Goldsmith
Wow, what an incredible week it has been. Our little bundle of joy arrived safely on Tuesday 18th March 2014 at 2.35am. We are delighted to have a son who we have named Phoenix Murray Goldsmith and he checked into this world weighing a hefty 9lb even. I wanted to keep a journal of his journey in life and I think the birth of this beautiful little man is the perfect place to start. Now I warn you, There is graphic info in here mostly for me to keep an accurate record of how my labour went down so next time (Yep, I'd gladly do it all over again) I can reflect back and not have the fog of time to tinge how epic the birth was. So.... Here we go :-)

Monday 17th I had an OB appointment. I'd been having 'cramping' for weeks but it hadn't amounted to anything. I spoke to the OB who wanted to check to see if my cervix was dilating. When she examined me she was delighted to advise I was already 2cm dilated. Hurrah. She completed a stretch and sweep and then sent me on my way with the exclamation 'I'd be surprised if you're not a mum by the weekend but if not, then next week we might need to look at induction'... Hmmm... Not on my birth plan.

I'd had a growth scan the Friday prior to my OB appointment and had been advised that bub was about 9.5lb (Holy shit balls!) and I was a little worried about birthing such a big bub. I also knew this wouldn't work in my favour for avoiding an induction.

So when I left my OB the cramping kicked up a gear but absolutely nothing horrendously painful or anything like that. In fact my period cramps were worse so I just got on with my day, Heading to work with mum and catching up with my bestie.

I finished work at 6pm and decided that these cramps were feeling regular so I timed a couple of them. They were 7 minutes apart. Still not painful, just annoying. I called Tane at work and said 'You May want to find cover for tomorrow, I'm having cramps that are regular but it's not intense so I don't know if this is the real deal but you might want to play it safe.

Tane came home, we had dinner and I headed off to bed around 9.30pm just in case I needed my rest. I practiced my progressive relaxation taught during our hypnobirthing classes to find my deep sleep and I crashed out. I stirred around 11.30pm when Tane got up because he couldn't sleep (Who was nervous do ya think hehehe) then I crashed back out again.

1.30am I woke screaming. The pain I felt was just unreal. I staggered out of bed to the toilet and stayed there a good 15 minutes while my body cleared itself out and my contractions were now in no doubt. The pain was phenomenal. Tane was a bit surprised when I yelled out there was no way he was going to work tomorrow. We were going to have this baby, Today!

When I finally managed to get out of the toilet I spent the next 10 minutes or so pacing the house yelling obscenities and making a right racket. Tane kepts saying I needed to keep the noise down or the neighbours might phone the cops. Clearly this man had never been in labour, There was no way in hell I was going to keep noise down, I could barely keep myself composed! In the end I told Tane to pack up the car, we needed to go to the hospital, now!

I called my OB and said I was on my way, Could the hospital please fill the birthing tub for me then I called mum and said I was off to the hospital. By this stage my contractions were coming so hard and fast I barely had time to breathe between then. We bundled into the car and headed off to North Shore Hospital. Now I can assure you that being in a car in full blown labour is not at all comfortable; especially when your crammed into such a small space...

About 3 minutes into the drive I grabbed Tanes arm and asked him to pull over. When he stopped he asked me what was up? I said 'I need to push' well, I have never seen anyone boot it that fast. We ran two red lights and did 140km all the way to North Shore. We arrived at the front entrance to the emergency department where I swung my legs out of the car and my waters broke in the parking lot. I squatted down and started pushing with my next contraction all the time saying 'I need to push, I need to push'

Two Ambo guys were just next to us, they came over, bundled me into a wheel chair and delivered me to the birthing suite. All the way I just kept saying 'I need to push' and pushed with each contraction.

When I got into the birthing room a midwife came to me and said she wanted to check and see how far along I was. She seemed quite relaxed about it all until she examined me and looked at me astounded and said 'You're full dilated and I can feel the head. You're ready to push' - Really? Who would have thought??

I asked if the birthing pool was ready and could I go an use it to which the midwife replied 'Oh you don't have any time for that honey'

My OB arrive about 5 minutes later as I was on my knees hunched over the bed end pushing, moaning, grunting and exclaiming how much this was burning. Shortly after that the OB asked me to pant then push, the midwife advised she could see babies head and there was a mass of hair. I was like WTF? The baby has hair? I thought it'd be a baldie given I'd had no heartburn. Apparently not.

The OB then manipulated babies shoulders and next thing I was being told baby was here. I arrived at the hospital at 2.15am and Phoenix entered this world at 2.35am. Not bad huh!

To say I was in shock really was an understatement. No one said what we had so I looked down between my legs and there was our baby boy. What a surreal experience.

I looked to Tane and exclaimed 'We have a boy!' and man, He was just about my undoing. He was red eyed, crying and completely overwhelmed. What a sight to behold!

It was quite awkward rolling over to my tummy and really weird the feeling of the cord still being attached to bub and to me. One of those crazy moments where you can actually see the connection that you two have had for the last nine months.

Bub came straight onto my chest for Skin to Skin and then the final stage commenced. I needed the injection to deliver the placenta because I was bleeding more that I should be and they were concerned that I might need blood products. NICU had also been called when I arrive because there was Meconium in my waters but they never showed up so the delivery was either to fast or not of enough concern for them to be there - Either way I am pleased :-) My placenta then snapped during delivery so I required manual delivery and manipulation of the placenta to get it to come away properly. That was pretty uncomfortable. Until now I had no pain relief. They offered me gas to manage the pain but that stuff was AWFUL like being super drunk and having those boozy head spins. You know the ones you can't stop when you lie down. Horrible.. I stopped using it and just dealt with the pain.

After the placenta was delivered the OB stitched me up. Phoenix had been kind enough to come out with his hands at his face so I had a second degree tear - I wouldn't have known had they not needed to stitch me. There is so much else going on during delivery that you can't itemise out the different pains. During this stage Phoenix found his own way to my nipple and self latched and started to have his first breastfeed. It was awesome to watch him move all on his own when he was only minutes old. This little one is strong I tell you. When I was all put back together bub was weighed, Measured and checked over. He was then passed to Daddy while I managed a shower. We spent about 3.5 hours in the birthing suite before being transferred to a shared room. I stayed there until 3pm when we transferred up to Warkworth birthing suites.

Straight after I delivered Phoenix I looked at Tane and said 'Well, I'd do that all again, It wasn't so bad' - He looked horrified hahaha. I do have to point out that for a man who didn't want to see the business end of the whole birth he handled things pretty well. He didn't have much choice in what he did and didn't see. He admitted today that once he looked for the pure 'It has to be done' side of things but the second time he looked was just because of the position I was in and all that was going on. He did almost pass out when Phoenix was being born. I asked the nurses to make sure Tane was okay because the last thing I needed was an unconscious husband but bless him he got up and came to cut the cord, despite the mess that was all around me. I assure you birthing is a very messy, weird smelling affair and it isn’t clean for quite some time after all is said and done might I add. The second 'Almost passed out stage' was when Tane decided to chug back on the gas I'd been using for the placenta delivery. It made him so light headed and faint he almost keeled over hahaha!

But credit where credit is due Tane was AMAZING during the whole process. When I was at home having my 60 seconds of bat shit crazy with each contraction he was there rubbing my back, talking me through my breathing and keeping me together. When we were delivering he never failed to keep the breathing techniques going and trying his best to keep me calm. He even kindly offered his hand to me for one of the contractions but I knew I'd break something so politely declined and instead tried my best to break the bed end hahaha

My OB said to me at the end that he just knew, from my voice, that he needed to get here ASAP. He said he couldn't say what it was but he knew I wasn't messing around and this little one was going to be here soon. He was very lucky to have made it to the hospital with about 10 minutes to spare. In fact we didn't even have the chance to get anything out of the car, not even my pregnancy and medical records nor the birth plan. Everythin was still in the boot of the car after bub was delivered. The only thing I did manage to bring to the birthing suit was my barf bucket which thankfully I didn't need. Most likely because I'd taken a zoffran before leaving home because I felt so sick.

So, there it is. I've been told by so many midwives, OB's and nursing staff that if I have number two then I need to plan a home birth or camp the night in the car park before hand. Most simply can't believe that 1 hour was my 'Labour' so to speak, especially for first bubby but I had always said if I gave birth at home or didn't make it to the hospital I'd be thrilled with my Labour so I definitely came close to that and really can't complain at all :-)

The staff at North Shore were amazing for the time I was there. Nothing was a problem and they made me feel completely comfortable. The were fantastic during the delivery too - I couldn't fault them at all.

As for our Family:

Nana and Grandad Holden - Mum knew I wasn't far off giving birth when I called from home to say I was going to the hospital. In fact she had said to dad that it was only a matter of hours if not minutes till I called to say bub was here. She was dead right. Apparently neither of them ended up going back to sleep after I called hehehe, They were just too excited. When I called to let them know they had a grandson I could hear the emotion in thier voices. It was perfect!

Aunty Katie slept through the text message that mum sent her but she woke up for the phone call. She was so delighted and excited. She ran up to Ben and told him Phoenix had arrived. She also didn't go back to sleep that night. We have the most amazing sunrise pics from the morning Phoenix was born.

Ironically the 17th March was a new moon which fits well with the meaning of Phoenix's name - From the name of a beautiful immortal bird which appears in Egyptian and Greek mythology. After living for several centuries in the Arabian Desert, it would be consumed by fire and rise from its own ashes, with this cycle repeating every 500 years. The name of the bird was derived from Greek φοινιξ (phoinix) meaning "dark red".

Nana Goldsmith - Was so excited, Half asleep given the time of the morning but absolutely delighted.

Grandad Goldsmith - Was also very sleepy when we called but he was pleased to hear of his grandsons arrival.

So welcome to our not so little man. What an incredible journey and one we all made as a family. It was truly beautiful in a way that I guess you can only appreciate 4 days after the birth :-)


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